Unknown

I missed a call from an unknown number this morning. I was in the shower. Sorry.

I could only think of one person who could call me at that hour from an unknown number - but why now and why that number? Are you on your way to Manila? What are you doing in China? I'm scared it's you, actually. I was devastated when we ended. [And when you wanted to get back together, I told you I met someone else while I was away. It was only partly true. Mostly I was too scared that you would hurt me again.]




p.s.
Why do people come out of the woodwork when you're not in any mood to go out? Why don't any of you call me when I need a date? Seriously.

How to deal.

I had no time to be cool [previous post]. The decision and realization came over one day and delivered just as quickly, mercifully for both parties involved, in the space of three songs.

It was a thing I refused to put a label on. It also almost doesn't exist - there is virtually no evidence of the whole thing taking place [except maybe for the possibility of a video in an elevator]. But it was something, even without a label and the mementos. The question is, if you were not really together, is it still called a break-up?

I guarded myself very well against the pain of the invetable end but there still the aftermath. I'm only human after all. So here I am, trying to deal.

I allowed myself a full day to do what girls do when they need to deal : laze around in bed, watch TV, shop, eat a donut and spend some quality time in the salon. From here on, I just need to keep myself distracted. Work out, go out.

It sounds clinical and unsentimental but sentiment is the one thing I can't afford myself. It's not true that you can't chose how to feel - you can. What am I going to do? Mope around for a couple of weeks, eat some nasty carbs and look unhappy? I'm so not going to go there.

Cool.Not.

Without going into specifics, it would be hard to explain what I am worried about exactly. Actually, even with specifics, it would also be hard to explain the nature of my quandary. Anyway, it involves someone.

I hate not knowing. I'm a person who knows things. Not knowing is the worst kind of torture there is. And in this case, I have no choice but to wait and be the one thing I am not : COOL.

I hope it's only hormones

Let's not get into a discussion with what is wrong about my endocrine system but I hope that this funk is only due to a major onslaught of female hormones. I hope it's the time of the month and not some other chemical imbalance that requires mood-altering medication.

I woke up in such a terrible mood not even two donuts before 10am could fix it. TWO. I never even have more than one donut in a week.

It's that bad.

I am generally a nice person. But when I'm not feeling nice, it's ugly. I can say very very mean things. I have that kind of skill. I'm largely non-confrontational because I'm afraid of what I could say that could hurt.

This morning at the lobby, I asked a guy to go back to the end of the line waiting to get inside the elevator. I must have looked like a troll because once inside the elevator, he asked me if he ruined my day. I stopped to think and I said, now that you're talking to me, you've ruined it. FYI, our elevator can hold up to 20 people and this was during rush hour. I should've stopped a beat more and held my tongue.

Then I snapped at the staff and cried in the bathroom. I'm such a girl.

I should just go and run this thing out of my system.

Food

Letting Go

I was a make-up junkie. I bought new product every week. Not that I wore a lot of make-up, I just liked to horde and play with them. I had enough to work with to copy most anything off Face Forward.

Then triathlon happened and no time for make-up and most of my base colors were already off because of my perpetual tan. Now, what I need on a daily basis is my powder, mascara, cheek color and a lip gloss. And my favorite shade of Shu Uemura lipstick that a friend picked out.

Early this year, I gave away more than half my stash. I kept my favorites and limited edition products. That was pretty easy.

But today, I did the unthinkable -I let go of my precious Chanel limited edition rouges. And some absolute favorite Dior glosses, the prettiest Face Stockholm dust, Awake lip color and even my Estee Lauder bronze patina that never even made it here.

I gave it to my friend's wife who is now studying make-up with Arbee, my absolute favorite make-up consultant at MAC. Arbee and I were shocked to see each other at the class when I dropped off the stuff - he then proceeded to tell of my afternoons at MAC and Bobbi Brown, convincing clueless women into buying stuf they don't need. But I digress ...

I'm glad I gave my favorite stuff away. It's a sign I'm finally over my make-up phase. It wasn't easy letting go, but it felt good.

So, sue me.

Go ahead.

Please sue me.

I really would love to see you do so. File that case against me. I beg of you. I've been kind of bored and this would be so much fun. Come on now, please?

Okay, come background : tri race organizers are threatening to sue someone for selling pics taken of the race, claiming they own ALL copyright to images taken at their race. So when a fan takes pics at the Olympics, the IOC owns the copyright to that? I was there on official assignment for a magazine and what the magazine did not use, a newspaper asked permission to publish. And yes, my EIC at the magazine allowed me to give my pic to the paper to use. Public race, public place, no invasion of privacy. Here's some reading for you on IP law. It's a fun read, I promise.

They want to sue me and some other people. You know, while you're at it, go sue every single spectator who took a picture at your event. GO. AHEAD. This will be fun. Really, I'm just sitting here waiting. Actually, I'm flipping you off and laughing my ass off at the preposterousness [my god was that word long - I'm impressed!] of the whole deal.

Let's see you try this shit on me. Don't you know I missed my calling as a lawyer? I absolutely loved being in the courtroom and reading contracts and the whole deal. Really, this would so make my whole year!