Just Shoot Me

This photograph breaks just about every rule they teach you in photography class : my subject is blurred and dead center, I was using digital zoom and there's more noise than New Year's Eve. But this is the one that started it all.

I've never been much of a visual person - I can't draw a straight line with a ruler to save my life. I grew up thinking my talents were more musical than visual. Until this one happy accident that lead me to believe [maybe falsely even] I can do this photography thing.

Through the generosity of my gadget-freak of a father, I've moved through several cameras over the years. After the first one that took the pic above was lost in a very crowded street party, it was replaced with a slightly better one. When I felt limited by what I was shooting with, I decided to buy myself another slightly better camera with a better macro function, more manual control and a better processor. I promised myself I wouldn't buy a DSLR until my skills deserved them. I saw so many old farts in photo class who had the spiffiest cameras but who couldn't shoot for anything. I didn't want to be like them.

But Christmas came early this year and I am now the owner of a Canon 350D. I love it. But I'm still frightened by it - this camera makes me nervous.What if I scratch it? What if drop the damn thing? What if I become one of those I used to laugh at? What if I never get any better than I am now?

Looking through my flickr and other online galleries, I am glad I see some progress with my photography. But still, I refuse to call myself a photographer. Juan is a photographer. Louie is a photographer. I am not.

I'm still someone who relies on happy accidents for an acceptable photograph. Through practice, research and some equipment upgrade, I've managed to increase the probability of those accidents. But that's not where I want to be.

I want to be able to have enough talent to translate what I see inside my head into something I can see on my LCD. [I used to think talent is something you're born with - until this article changed my mind. Talent, Craig Tanner says, is a set of skills you develop over time with desire.]. I can capture what I see - and I strive to capture what I see as truthfully and beatifully as I can. I want to go beyond that and be able to create something of my own. I have no desire to learn how to draw or paint, but I desire to create with my camera.

I need to learn how to understand photographs, understand light and its properties and finally be able to use light to translate my vision. And that's all still a long way from where I am now. But know I can do this in the same way I made my writing happen - with a lot of patience, practice and deliberateness.

If that doesn't work, I'll just stick to singing and cooking up chaos in my kitchen.